Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
this hospital has no fireball
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
