I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
