we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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