You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's blow job season.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
