I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
