Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
