if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
