Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
