I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
