My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
