Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
