It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
