Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
