Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
