omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
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the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
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As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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