You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
