Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
