It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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