She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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