i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I wish you could order shots online.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
