I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
