i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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