3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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