I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
