Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
