I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
