so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
