stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
