Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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