im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
