I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
