My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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