So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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