last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
she told me i tasted like america
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
