ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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