I wish I could punch you in the face.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
