I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
