I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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