i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
