she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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