I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
