she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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