Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
