apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
