...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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