she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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