I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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