Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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