Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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