Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
