I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
