I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
