This girl is more easily done than said...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
