Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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