The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
