i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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