New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
