On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
