her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
