Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
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Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
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If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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