god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Randomize
