I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize