Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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