My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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