I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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