Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
